Why is it that I can go all week without a single phone call after 9 pm, then, the one night I decide to go to bed at 9 so that I can wake up early enough to shower, eat breakfast, and get ready before work--without feeling like a zombie--I get two phone calls after 9?
I do not blame either person for calling me--in fact, I was hoping for both phone calls. (Please forgive me, both of you, for either being groggy while talking, or simply silencing my phone. Please know that I was half asleep and can take no responsibility for my actions.) I am not trying to discourage people from calling me after nine. (It is very, very rare for me to be in bed that early.) Rather, I'm simply musing about the effect of Murphey's Law in my life.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
"Is this just another miscommunication we are having here?"
When my parents were first married, my dad told my mom that the only vegetable he preferred canned to frozen were green beans. My mom interpretted this to mean that he preferred everything except green beans frozen.
So, trying to be a good little wife, she started freezing all of her vegetables except green beans, which she canned.
One year, many years down the road, my mom's cousin got married. This cousin loved canned carrots. In fact, she loved them so much that my mom decided she would can a bunch for her as a wedding present. When the batch was done, Mom found one jar that didn't seal.
Well, she couldn't exactly give an unsealed jar, so she decided to eat it instead. Upon tasting the canned carrots, she realized that she really enjoyed them--much more so than the frozen carrots. She mentioned her liking of them to my dad at dinner, to which he replied, "Oh, I've always liked canned carrots better than frozen."
[rolls eyes]
So, for all those years, both of my parents preferred canned carrots to frozen, yet, due to a miscommunication, only ate carrots that had been stored in the freezer.
So, trying to be a good little wife, she started freezing all of her vegetables except green beans, which she canned.
One year, many years down the road, my mom's cousin got married. This cousin loved canned carrots. In fact, she loved them so much that my mom decided she would can a bunch for her as a wedding present. When the batch was done, Mom found one jar that didn't seal.
Well, she couldn't exactly give an unsealed jar, so she decided to eat it instead. Upon tasting the canned carrots, she realized that she really enjoyed them--much more so than the frozen carrots. She mentioned her liking of them to my dad at dinner, to which he replied, "Oh, I've always liked canned carrots better than frozen."
[rolls eyes]
So, for all those years, both of my parents preferred canned carrots to frozen, yet, due to a miscommunication, only ate carrots that had been stored in the freezer.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Gravity's pull on my life
It has been a very random last several days. I think the earth's axis has tilted .0000031 degrees, only knocking a few things out of place:
- I slept so soundly in a car that my phone rang right next to me and I didn't wake up to it.
- Yesterday at work I spoke a grand total of 8 words: "Shhh! I have a dress in the bag!" Without context, that being the only thing I said makes it even more random.
- I had to politely and gently shoot down two of my former suitors yesterday. Why do they always come in droves like this? Flood or famine...
- I saw a store marquee on the way home from work that read, "Buy a butter, get a jam." It makes sense... but it still sounds funny.
- Every time the bus driver opened the door, I think his microphone turned on and we heard his breathing. Either that or Darth Vader took over the microphone. I'm not entirely sure which.
- I got to bed by 10:30 last night. I'm actually arguably awake today.
- I got nine hours of sleep Saturday night. And still couldn't stay awake at all Sunday... or Monday either, for that matter.
- I haven't remembered the majority of my dreams for the past month. The only one I even vaguely remember related to Hermione trying to escape Cormack at Slughorn's party--we were listening to HP 5 in the car while driving. However, all I remember is a big white circle floating around. And that it somehow related to the above-mentioned scene.
- I cleaned out my Gmail inbox from 133 messages to 7. In two days. I'm pretty impressed with myself.
- I actually have work to do at work. Imagine.
- I slept so soundly in a car that my phone rang right next to me and I didn't wake up to it.
- Yesterday at work I spoke a grand total of 8 words: "Shhh! I have a dress in the bag!" Without context, that being the only thing I said makes it even more random.
- I had to politely and gently shoot down two of my former suitors yesterday. Why do they always come in droves like this? Flood or famine...
- I saw a store marquee on the way home from work that read, "Buy a butter, get a jam." It makes sense... but it still sounds funny.
- Every time the bus driver opened the door, I think his microphone turned on and we heard his breathing. Either that or Darth Vader took over the microphone. I'm not entirely sure which.
- I got to bed by 10:30 last night. I'm actually arguably awake today.
- I got nine hours of sleep Saturday night. And still couldn't stay awake at all Sunday... or Monday either, for that matter.
- I haven't remembered the majority of my dreams for the past month. The only one I even vaguely remember related to Hermione trying to escape Cormack at Slughorn's party--we were listening to HP 5 in the car while driving. However, all I remember is a big white circle floating around. And that it somehow related to the above-mentioned scene.
- I cleaned out my Gmail inbox from 133 messages to 7. In two days. I'm pretty impressed with myself.
- I actually have work to do at work. Imagine.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Reason #267 why I'm glad I'm short
I'm at my sister's house. This morning I went to take a shower and chose the one upstairs by all the kids' rooms. This shower head was designed for either the shortness of these kids or perhaps a midget that surely once lived here. I've never been considered a tall person--in any sense of the word. Yet, I still had to bend my knees and crouch to get my head under the shower head. I am fairly certain that I have never before had to crouch to fit under a shower head. I have a new-found empathy for tall people.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Just around the river bend...
Today was among the best days I've had. First, I had the day off work. Because I'm a real person now, I got paid to not go to work today. How crazy is that? So, I attempted to sleep in. Tragically, my body doesn't know how to sleep past 6:30 anymore, so between 6:30 and 9, it was more like a half-sleep where I simply didn't want to get up. Finally, around 9, I got up, got dressed, filled up my car with gas (it's been running on empty for several days now), and got the oil changed in my car. It's been due since June. Yipes! But, good news, it was free. I saw Jack at the dealership... the guy that is 15 years older than me and my brothers were trying to set me up with. Last decision: when I'm 25 and he's 40, if we're both still single, he'll take me on a date. Ha! We talked for a few minutes, laughed about stories he heard from Brother about Jerusalem... or, rather, Jordan, then I went back to reading the Book of Atrus and he went back to work. So then I read for the 30 minutes I waited for my oil change, which was really nice. I've missed reading. And I rather like this book. So it was nice to have a chance to just sit and read. Then my mom called, so as I ran more errands, I talked to her for the next half hour. I really like my mom. She really has been my best friend my entire life. I finally stopped at Michaels and bought the jars I've been promising Brother I'd buy to put our dirt from around the Middle East in. Then it was answering Board questions and emails, chatting with good friends, then trimming the hedges. That went much easier than expected, but my arms still shook afterwards from holding the trimmer for so long. The hedges look 100 times better now, but if you look closely, the one right out front resembles a bad male-haircut. It makes me smile. It was my first time trimming hedges. Give me a break.
Then it was time for a nice, long, relaxing shower. I even shaved my legs so that I could wear capris all day. Yay... Not wanting to spend a half hour making my hair look decent, I ignored it and got back online for a wee bit. Twenty minutes or so later, I realized that I had to leave soon, so I should probably do something with my hair. 10 minutes later, I had the fastest and easiest hair style of my life. I think it may have even looked good. I wonder if I could ever duplicate it... My roommate made dinner—the most amazing chicken noodle vegetable soup ever. And poppy bread. Oh, it was divine. Even had homemade noodles. (She also made symphony brownies that morning... which were also divine.) Just before dinner, an old friend of mine showed up, so we invited him to eat with us, then headed over to Kiwanis for a rousing game of croquet. I ended up being the third person to make poison but died soon thereafter. I love croquet. I think it's one of my favorite games. Uffish... we really need to go play in front of the library.
Returning home, I wasn't ready to stop playing games, so out came Sorry. Traditional style, I came in 2nd place. (Out of three... ehh...) Adult style, I came in 1st. Apparently I play better as an adult than a child. I have more strategy than luck, I suppose. Yellow then came over and [enter the bad part of the day... yet one of those things that will definitely be laughed at later] while opening my screen door, got stung by a bee. I'm sure he'll write about it in his blog. We decided he was gallant because, if he hadn't been stung, one of us would have been. We gave him ice to stop the swelling, then headed over to Olympus' for a pie party. My piece of pie was delicious. I re-met a girl that I met at a summer program at Ricks when I was still in high school. There were some great memories tied up with her. I spent the evening in great company; it was my favorite company to spend time with. Happy and comfortable. Content, even. It's a pity that it was limited to just a few hour this evening.
I looked up the Hebrew for 'gnashing' tonight. Turns out it really is simply translated as 'gnashing' or 'grinding the teeth.' Perhaps I should study my vocab more.
The night couldn't have ended better. I checked my email before bed to find a completely unexpected email that made me very happy. In the words of my roommate on a completely unrelated matter earlier today, "There is a God, and he loves me." Sometimes, God answers prayers in completely unexpected times, ways and places. Tonight was a reassurance that things can go right in my life. That there doesn't have to be something bad to counteract every good. Sometimes, life can just be good. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Happy Tuesday.
Then it was time for a nice, long, relaxing shower. I even shaved my legs so that I could wear capris all day. Yay... Not wanting to spend a half hour making my hair look decent, I ignored it and got back online for a wee bit. Twenty minutes or so later, I realized that I had to leave soon, so I should probably do something with my hair. 10 minutes later, I had the fastest and easiest hair style of my life. I think it may have even looked good. I wonder if I could ever duplicate it... My roommate made dinner—the most amazing chicken noodle vegetable soup ever. And poppy bread. Oh, it was divine. Even had homemade noodles. (She also made symphony brownies that morning... which were also divine.) Just before dinner, an old friend of mine showed up, so we invited him to eat with us, then headed over to Kiwanis for a rousing game of croquet. I ended up being the third person to make poison but died soon thereafter. I love croquet. I think it's one of my favorite games. Uffish... we really need to go play in front of the library.
Returning home, I wasn't ready to stop playing games, so out came Sorry. Traditional style, I came in 2nd place. (Out of three... ehh...) Adult style, I came in 1st. Apparently I play better as an adult than a child. I have more strategy than luck, I suppose. Yellow then came over and [enter the bad part of the day... yet one of those things that will definitely be laughed at later] while opening my screen door, got stung by a bee. I'm sure he'll write about it in his blog. We decided he was gallant because, if he hadn't been stung, one of us would have been. We gave him ice to stop the swelling, then headed over to Olympus' for a pie party. My piece of pie was delicious. I re-met a girl that I met at a summer program at Ricks when I was still in high school. There were some great memories tied up with her. I spent the evening in great company; it was my favorite company to spend time with. Happy and comfortable. Content, even. It's a pity that it was limited to just a few hour this evening.
I looked up the Hebrew for 'gnashing' tonight. Turns out it really is simply translated as 'gnashing' or 'grinding the teeth.' Perhaps I should study my vocab more.
The night couldn't have ended better. I checked my email before bed to find a completely unexpected email that made me very happy. In the words of my roommate on a completely unrelated matter earlier today, "There is a God, and he loves me." Sometimes, God answers prayers in completely unexpected times, ways and places. Tonight was a reassurance that things can go right in my life. That there doesn't have to be something bad to counteract every good. Sometimes, life can just be good. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Happy Tuesday.
Monday, August 13, 2007
An Awakening...
I'm itching for a new prank. Or at least, some sort of secret quest. Several conversations and events recently have reawakened the prankster portion of my soul. It has been in hibernation ever since the great Dragon Lady events of '05-'06. I've even had the perfect pranking opportunity. Well, at least I had the perfect recipient who deserved such a prank that only Dragon Lady can deliver... but hibernation is difficult to break out of. Spring has come, however. I can feel said portion waking up, sniffing the wind, feeling a bit hungry after such a long sleep.
Problem. I feel little wrath against previously mentioned recipient. Plus, he got a half-hearted revenge a month ago. Should I really do more to him? Hmmm...
Possible Solution. I'm being plotted against. Rather, I think I'm more being used as a tool in a plot against more powerful and influential people. Should I use this opportunity to my advantage?
Current State. I have no energy. Sleep is a precious commodity. Do I really have the energy to think, plan, plot and carry out? Would this provide a source of energy? A shot of adrenaline, if you will? This must be considered. I think for now, I shall sit back and wait. Prep myself to pounce when the perfect opportunity presents itself. I'm sure it will. It's never failed me before.
Problem. I feel little wrath against previously mentioned recipient. Plus, he got a half-hearted revenge a month ago. Should I really do more to him? Hmmm...
Possible Solution. I'm being plotted against. Rather, I think I'm more being used as a tool in a plot against more powerful and influential people. Should I use this opportunity to my advantage?
Current State. I have no energy. Sleep is a precious commodity. Do I really have the energy to think, plan, plot and carry out? Would this provide a source of energy? A shot of adrenaline, if you will? This must be considered. I think for now, I shall sit back and wait. Prep myself to pounce when the perfect opportunity presents itself. I'm sure it will. It's never failed me before.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
You have been weighed...
It's yet another Sunday. The week has come and gone. It's been a busy week. It's been a long week. It's been a very good week. It's had its ups and downs, that's for sure. Two different mornings I had to chase after a bus. I got lost in the Church Office Building and had to be escorted to where I really should have been. I've had to ask myself the question, "How do I ask forgiveness of someone when I'm not sure what I've done wrong?" And I still have not found an answer. I had one very "meh" day full of insecurities and things going wrong... the day when you just need a hug. Luckily, I got that hug, accompanied by unknowing reassurances and a most exciting game of Super Mario Bros. 3. Who knew that reliving such a pastime could bring such gleefulness? Especially when the other player is willing to play, knowing that he will lose. But, I guess it's not really a competition in Mario, is it? It's more about working together to fight the angry sun and spiky backed thingy-ma-jigs and monstrous fish that want to eat you for dinner. I started a new job this week; I even got put in charge of a new project. It's weird going to a new job and training other people that have worked there for years. But, I also get my turn of being trained on new things, too. I made the most delectable dessert this week. Having only four people eating it, it lasted for quite awhile. I'm ok with that. I've had long phone conversations with many members of my family and a few old friends. My fridge is covered in wedding announcements of good friends. It must be summer—we're seeing the results of Spring twitterpation. (Firefox doesn't think I spelled that right. It recommended extirpation. What in the world is extirpation?? Hmm... "Loss of a species from an island or region, with one or more populations surviving elsewhere." I suppose it fits in a very odd sort of way. hehe.) I got to go star-gazing last night. There's a meteor shower this weekend. It's going on for the next two nights. Y'all should go watch. There are some amazing shooting stars—perfect to wish on. My wish has come true, perhaps yours will, too. Go try it. You won't regret it. Even if your wish doesn't come true, you'll still see some amazing shooting stars. After most everyone had left, I saw one star that shot across the entire sky. I had time to see it, excitedly point at it, and hear, "Wow. Wow. Wow." before it finally disappeared. Now that is a long meteor.
Overall, the good has far outweighed the bad. I guess that's what determines a good life. Not that there is no bad—there's bound to be—but that the good outweighs the bad.
Thank you everyone who contributed to the good. You know who you are. I can't thank you enough.
Overall, the good has far outweighed the bad. I guess that's what determines a good life. Not that there is no bad—there's bound to be—but that the good outweighs the bad.
Thank you everyone who contributed to the good. You know who you are. I can't thank you enough.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
"I had Captain Crunch for breakfast, what did you have?"
Do I do this to myself? I consider myself to be a very tolerant person. I am friends with people that many other people don't like. I get faulted quite often for choosing friends that annoy my other friends. I have had roommates invite my friends to leave our apartment. Not all of my friends are like this. I have other very tolerant friends. I have friends that are very well liked. Really, I just have friends across the board. My old roommate, Snips, particularly disliked several of my friends and was very vocal about it. One day, annoyed, I decided to talk to her about it. It was a long conversation, but the basic idea was me expressing frustration at the way she treats my friends and her expressing frustration at the way my friends treat me.
Over the years I have often thought about that. I've wondered, do I let people walk all over me and treat me like dirt? I've come to grips with the fact that I let people walk all over me. I've started working on that. Well, on stopping that from happening anyway. This past year I have started growing a spine, I have started forming my own opinions, and I have started sharing them with others. I'm not perfect, and I still bow to the opinions of others at times, but I pick and choose my battles now. And I'm a lot happier knowing that I have the capability to stand up for myself. I find myself relatively free of friends that bring me down.
I thought I did all of this on my own. Turns out I only did part of it on my own. It wasn't that growing a spine suddenly changed the way people treated me. Rather, those friends moved on with life, and I gained new friends that got to know me with a spine, and hence, didn't know they could walk all over me. Or even, I started looking for friends that treated me with respect. I can't see my current friends walking over me, even if they knew they could. Anyway, point is, yesterday I became reacquainted with an old friend of mine. One that Snips seriously despised. Yesterday we had a great time catching up. Today I got slammed with the memory of how things used to be. Today I found myself in conversations I didn't want to be in. Today I was sapped of all energy as I tried over and over again to change topics to something that wouldn't turn into an argument. (Partly due to my slap in the face yesterday, I'm sure.) There was a marked difference in my happiness level as conversation and day progressed. I even resorted to changing my status to "Cheer, anyone?" in a plea to be happy again. Laser Jock replied promptly with "Hurrah for Israel!" which made me laugh out loud. Yellow came to the rescue soon after with this website which cheered me greatly. I suddenly saw the difference in the friends I have now as compared to even a year or two ago. My friends now build me up whereas my old friends tore me down. But the question now lies, do I ditch this old friend that I have been friends with for years and years? Or do I continue to let myself be subject to this emotional drain? Is there an in between?
Where is the line between befriending everyone and befriending those that fit well with me and where I am now?
Over the years I have often thought about that. I've wondered, do I let people walk all over me and treat me like dirt? I've come to grips with the fact that I let people walk all over me. I've started working on that. Well, on stopping that from happening anyway. This past year I have started growing a spine, I have started forming my own opinions, and I have started sharing them with others. I'm not perfect, and I still bow to the opinions of others at times, but I pick and choose my battles now. And I'm a lot happier knowing that I have the capability to stand up for myself. I find myself relatively free of friends that bring me down.
I thought I did all of this on my own. Turns out I only did part of it on my own. It wasn't that growing a spine suddenly changed the way people treated me. Rather, those friends moved on with life, and I gained new friends that got to know me with a spine, and hence, didn't know they could walk all over me. Or even, I started looking for friends that treated me with respect. I can't see my current friends walking over me, even if they knew they could. Anyway, point is, yesterday I became reacquainted with an old friend of mine. One that Snips seriously despised. Yesterday we had a great time catching up. Today I got slammed with the memory of how things used to be. Today I found myself in conversations I didn't want to be in. Today I was sapped of all energy as I tried over and over again to change topics to something that wouldn't turn into an argument. (Partly due to my slap in the face yesterday, I'm sure.) There was a marked difference in my happiness level as conversation and day progressed. I even resorted to changing my status to "Cheer, anyone?" in a plea to be happy again. Laser Jock replied promptly with "Hurrah for Israel!" which made me laugh out loud. Yellow came to the rescue soon after with this website which cheered me greatly. I suddenly saw the difference in the friends I have now as compared to even a year or two ago. My friends now build me up whereas my old friends tore me down. But the question now lies, do I ditch this old friend that I have been friends with for years and years? Or do I continue to let myself be subject to this emotional drain? Is there an in between?
Where is the line between befriending everyone and befriending those that fit well with me and where I am now?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
A slap in the face.
Bored at work today, I started reading writers' blogs that I haven't read in ages. Some I've never read. I was highly entertained and learned a lot more about people that I thought I knew well. So I decided it was time to fill my blog with more than the story behind my name. Immediately after I made this decision, something happened at work that made me see part of myself more clearly. A part of me I always knew was there, something my Mom would always point out to me, something that randomly gets thrown back in my face. Like I said, I've always known it to be a part of me, but somehow, I've never really seen it as a flaw. It's never been something that I felt I needed to change.
I'm a very stubborn person. When I think I'm right, I mean, really think I'm right, I will fight for it. I try to see the side of the other person. I try to be reasonable. But I stand firm to what I believe. I can be a bit argumentative at times. People often suggested I join the debate team. I've always been up for a good, healthy debate. After I matured a bit, I stopped getting angry at people for things, and tried to make debates something where we could both walk out still feeling happy and as friends. A friendly debate, if you will. Topics such as Mac vs. PC or cats vs. dogs. Every once in awhile, though, something hits too close to home and I feel this sudden desire to fight to the death. Most of the time, it's unconscious—I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's when I feel that someone or something that I am attached to has been compromised. It's when I see a close friend making stupid mistakes. When someone attacks people or ideas that I hold dear. When I feel betrayed and can't figure out why. At those moments, the realistic part of me tries desperately to surface and calm the turmoil, reaches out, and tries to honestly see the other perspective. However, that part of me clashes with the stubborn part of me that refuses to be wrong. So, I end up asking for opinions, asking for help, but whenever someone reaches back, trying to show me the other perspective, I lash out and shoot them down. In my mind, I can see their point. I accept their point. In my head, it starts forming an argument to counteract my selfish one. But it never reaches out of my head. The person trying to help me never knows that they made a difference in my opinion. All they ever see is me shooting down everything they say.
My mom received the blunt of it when I was a child. I'd ask for help on a school project, she'd give her opinions of what I could do, and I'd constantly tell her why they wouldn't work. Ofttimes, it would get to the point where we'd both be in tears and she'd threaten to stop helping me because I didn't like her ideas. What she didn't realize was that all of her ideas were swimming around my brain, putting them together so that the weaknesses of one were supplemented by the strengths of others. In the end, something of hers would mesh with something of mine, and we'd end up with something more fantastic than anything either of us had dreamed of. But it took quite the emotional strain to get there. It wasn't until later that I realized that I could have handled it much better. I could have asked for more options without shooting down every idea she had. I hope I have become better—that I treat people with more respect now. However, I realized today that I still have this unfortunate trait.
As most of you know, I'm a die-hard Harry Potter fan. I waited and waited for the fifth Harry Potter movie. I went to see it last night, giddy with anticipation and excitement. The first 5-10 minutes disappointed me greatly, and it was a downhill spiral from there. For reasons I'm too exhausted to get into here, I was sorely disappointed with the movie. I felt like I had been betrayed by a friend. I spent much of last night discussing the ills of the movie with those that I saw it with. I spent the morning arguing with my coworkers, because they felt it was the best Harry Potter movie ever. I couldn't fathom how they could believe this. So I argued the morning away. The more I argued, the more I felt I was right.
I don't know what happened, but somewhere around lunch time, I realized that I didn't want to dislike the movie, and everyone else saw good in it. I wanted to know why they thought it was so good. Perhaps it was a desperate attempt to not feel betrayed by this magical world that I've become enraptured with. So, instead of arguing why it was bad, I started asking why it was good. (This is the reasonable side trying to find peace and harmony.) However, with every reason they gave, the stubborn side of me reached out and shot it down. I couldn't accept their reasonings. Each reason, on its own, was not enough to make a good movie. It wasn't enough to make up for, what I saw, a gaping hole. Finally, truth hit good and hard in the form of a coworker saying, "If you want people to give their opinion, perhaps you shouldn't shoot down everything they say," and another quickly agreeing. That comment hit home really hard. I suddenly reverted to elementary school and working on a school project. I was taken through every conversation I've had where people get frustrated with me. I wasn't offended by any means. If anything, I am grateful that they pointed it out. This is the first time I've really realized that it is a problem. Something that I need to work on. I need to learn to let things go instead of beating them to the ground.
Thank you Mom, coworkers, and friends over the years for putting up with me and helping me see my flaws so I can overcome them.
I'm a very stubborn person. When I think I'm right, I mean, really think I'm right, I will fight for it. I try to see the side of the other person. I try to be reasonable. But I stand firm to what I believe. I can be a bit argumentative at times. People often suggested I join the debate team. I've always been up for a good, healthy debate. After I matured a bit, I stopped getting angry at people for things, and tried to make debates something where we could both walk out still feeling happy and as friends. A friendly debate, if you will. Topics such as Mac vs. PC or cats vs. dogs. Every once in awhile, though, something hits too close to home and I feel this sudden desire to fight to the death. Most of the time, it's unconscious—I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's when I feel that someone or something that I am attached to has been compromised. It's when I see a close friend making stupid mistakes. When someone attacks people or ideas that I hold dear. When I feel betrayed and can't figure out why. At those moments, the realistic part of me tries desperately to surface and calm the turmoil, reaches out, and tries to honestly see the other perspective. However, that part of me clashes with the stubborn part of me that refuses to be wrong. So, I end up asking for opinions, asking for help, but whenever someone reaches back, trying to show me the other perspective, I lash out and shoot them down. In my mind, I can see their point. I accept their point. In my head, it starts forming an argument to counteract my selfish one. But it never reaches out of my head. The person trying to help me never knows that they made a difference in my opinion. All they ever see is me shooting down everything they say.
My mom received the blunt of it when I was a child. I'd ask for help on a school project, she'd give her opinions of what I could do, and I'd constantly tell her why they wouldn't work. Ofttimes, it would get to the point where we'd both be in tears and she'd threaten to stop helping me because I didn't like her ideas. What she didn't realize was that all of her ideas were swimming around my brain, putting them together so that the weaknesses of one were supplemented by the strengths of others. In the end, something of hers would mesh with something of mine, and we'd end up with something more fantastic than anything either of us had dreamed of. But it took quite the emotional strain to get there. It wasn't until later that I realized that I could have handled it much better. I could have asked for more options without shooting down every idea she had. I hope I have become better—that I treat people with more respect now. However, I realized today that I still have this unfortunate trait.
As most of you know, I'm a die-hard Harry Potter fan. I waited and waited for the fifth Harry Potter movie. I went to see it last night, giddy with anticipation and excitement. The first 5-10 minutes disappointed me greatly, and it was a downhill spiral from there. For reasons I'm too exhausted to get into here, I was sorely disappointed with the movie. I felt like I had been betrayed by a friend. I spent much of last night discussing the ills of the movie with those that I saw it with. I spent the morning arguing with my coworkers, because they felt it was the best Harry Potter movie ever. I couldn't fathom how they could believe this. So I argued the morning away. The more I argued, the more I felt I was right.
I don't know what happened, but somewhere around lunch time, I realized that I didn't want to dislike the movie, and everyone else saw good in it. I wanted to know why they thought it was so good. Perhaps it was a desperate attempt to not feel betrayed by this magical world that I've become enraptured with. So, instead of arguing why it was bad, I started asking why it was good. (This is the reasonable side trying to find peace and harmony.) However, with every reason they gave, the stubborn side of me reached out and shot it down. I couldn't accept their reasonings. Each reason, on its own, was not enough to make a good movie. It wasn't enough to make up for, what I saw, a gaping hole. Finally, truth hit good and hard in the form of a coworker saying, "If you want people to give their opinion, perhaps you shouldn't shoot down everything they say," and another quickly agreeing. That comment hit home really hard. I suddenly reverted to elementary school and working on a school project. I was taken through every conversation I've had where people get frustrated with me. I wasn't offended by any means. If anything, I am grateful that they pointed it out. This is the first time I've really realized that it is a problem. Something that I need to work on. I need to learn to let things go instead of beating them to the ground.
Thank you Mom, coworkers, and friends over the years for putting up with me and helping me see my flaws so I can overcome them.
Friday, June 08, 2007
As Dragon Lady's World Turns, episode #87
First, if you haven't already, please read Lavish's blog entitled "Sometimes Board writers are funny..." from June 7, 2007. That will give you the background to the following post. Brief background, Yellow and I got engaged the other day. Then I found out that he'd been cuddling with Lavish. This was the next conversation that Yellow and I had.
Yellow: :)
Hey
Dragon Lady: well hello
Yellow: How's the world over there?
Dragon Lady: oh, you know. Just grand.
Except when I get in on the Provo gossip chain
Yellow: Heh. Yeah, you should really avoid that one.
It can be vicious
Dragon Lady: yeah, especially when it's going to instigate our second fight
Yellow: :)
Oh dear.
Well.
Dragon Lady: ...
?
Yellow: If that's the case, I should point out that you're the one who "sat by [Buddha] and somehow, we ended up talking about things that really matter."
Sounds mighty suspicious to me.
Dragon Lady: you make a valid point
except, may I point out, that was before we got engaged.
…
How dare you!
We barely got engaged and what do you do?
First you ignore me
THEN, after I find it in my heart to forgive you, you run out to another girl
jerkface
Yellow: [hangs head in shame]
I'm sorry.
I really didn't mean to.
Dragon Lady: If I can't trust you while I'm gone, how can I trust you once we're married?
Yellow: [wallows in self-loathing]
you're right.
it was awful of me.
I guess I just didn't think of how it would make you feel.
Dragon Lady: You've gotta learn to think about that, Yellow
Marriage is a two-way street
we have to look out for each other
Yellow: I mean, she was having a rough day, so I invited her over. Optimistic. and Genuine Draft were there at the time too; I didn't expect to be alone. Then she came and they left and she snuggled up next to me. I felt bad pushing her away.
But you're right.
That's no excuse.
I should have told her that I couldn't; that I was engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world and I couldn't do this to her.
(By the way, if marriage is a street, does it have a name? Does it have intersections? Stoplights? Is this more like a freeway?)
I'm sorry. Can you find it in you to forgive me?
Dragon Lady: I don't know Yellow. This is our second fight in only a couple of days. That's rough
(Lover's Lane. And I think it has many intersections, frequent stoplights, and a bunch of "No U turn" signs)
But... I've made a commitment to you. So, I'm willing to work this out.
But I have to know I can trust you.
Yellow: I'm glad. And I'm committed to you too.
I promise it won't happen again.
Dragon Lady: Ok. I'm going to make a leap of faith here and trust you.
Yellow: Thanks. I know that's not easy for you to do.
Dragon Lady: Well, it's tough when I live so far away.
Yellow: It's true; we're having completely different day-to-day experiences
Luckily, it's not a permanent thing.
Dragon Lady: I guess I'm just jealous of you. All the ladies want you. And here I am, halfway across the world, not being able to do anything about it. It's not like you even wear a ring to ward girls off. (speaking of, Laser Jock wants to know if you're sending me a ring.)
Yellow: I don't know if I could stand being away from you forever.
(haha... I probably should.)
Dragon Lady: And then some amazing girl like Lavish walks in, and you cuddle with her. How can I not be jealous?
Yellow: Well, just to make things clear, it wasn't really a romantic cuddle. More like a comfort hug while sitting.
Almost something I'd give to a sister.
Dragon Lady: hmmm....
well, I know that you two are good friends
Yellow: It's true. She was the first Board Writer I ever talked to
Dragon Lady: that does have a strong link
I can't deny that I still give sisterly hugs to the first Board writer I ever talked to
(though... for the record, not since we got engaged)
Yellow: (also for the record, you haven't really had the opportunity to do so since then)
Dragon Lady: (good point. I haven't hugged any boys here either. Nor taken any fake engagement photos )
Hmmm... I should be careful to stay away from those. Or I could get myself into big trouble now
they're all the rage
Yellow: That's what I hear.
And taking a fake engagement photo with the Holy Land as a backdrop would be pretty spectacular.
Dragon Lady: ooohhh... I've got some great shots of the Sea of Galilee and the Mediterranean Sea. We could photoshop ourselves in for our invites!
Yellow: Haha!
That would be awesome!
Dragon Lady: Granted, we'd either have to wait a month to do it, or we'd have to photoshop you into a picture with me
Yellow: I'd be worried about photoshopping myself into an engagement picture; they look awkward so many times even when they really are natural.
Dragon Lady: Haha
Alright
we'll wait a month
Yellow: Who knows what could happen.
Dragon Lady: Oh, Yellow. You make me laugh. How could I stay mad at you for long?
Yellow: :)
I had a friend in high school who hated that she couldn't stay mad at me.
It drove her crazy.
Dragon Lady: I can see why
Anyway, now that we've resolved this... I should go to bed. I'm just glad you got on so I didn't have to go to bed mad
Yellow: Me too. I wouldn't want you doing that.
Know what, Dragon Lady? You're fun.
:)
Dragon Lady: :D I sure hope so. You wouldn't work well with a boring person
Yellow: I certainly wouldn't
Dragon Lady: alright. Well, my love, it's time for bed
I shall talk to you another day
Yellow: See you later, honey.
sleep well
Dragon Lady: have a splendid day yourself
Yellow: :)
Hey
Dragon Lady: well hello
Yellow: How's the world over there?
Dragon Lady: oh, you know. Just grand.
Except when I get in on the Provo gossip chain
Yellow: Heh. Yeah, you should really avoid that one.
It can be vicious
Dragon Lady: yeah, especially when it's going to instigate our second fight
Yellow: :)
Oh dear.
Well.
Dragon Lady: ...
?
Yellow: If that's the case, I should point out that you're the one who "sat by [Buddha] and somehow, we ended up talking about things that really matter."
Sounds mighty suspicious to me.
Dragon Lady: you make a valid point
except, may I point out, that was before we got engaged.
…
How dare you!
We barely got engaged and what do you do?
First you ignore me
THEN, after I find it in my heart to forgive you, you run out to another girl
jerkface
Yellow: [hangs head in shame]
I'm sorry.
I really didn't mean to.
Dragon Lady: If I can't trust you while I'm gone, how can I trust you once we're married?
Yellow: [wallows in self-loathing]
you're right.
it was awful of me.
I guess I just didn't think of how it would make you feel.
Dragon Lady: You've gotta learn to think about that, Yellow
Marriage is a two-way street
we have to look out for each other
Yellow: I mean, she was having a rough day, so I invited her over. Optimistic. and Genuine Draft were there at the time too; I didn't expect to be alone. Then she came and they left and she snuggled up next to me. I felt bad pushing her away.
But you're right.
That's no excuse.
I should have told her that I couldn't; that I was engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world and I couldn't do this to her.
(By the way, if marriage is a street, does it have a name? Does it have intersections? Stoplights? Is this more like a freeway?)
I'm sorry. Can you find it in you to forgive me?
Dragon Lady: I don't know Yellow. This is our second fight in only a couple of days. That's rough
(Lover's Lane. And I think it has many intersections, frequent stoplights, and a bunch of "No U turn" signs)
But... I've made a commitment to you. So, I'm willing to work this out.
But I have to know I can trust you.
Yellow: I'm glad. And I'm committed to you too.
I promise it won't happen again.
Dragon Lady: Ok. I'm going to make a leap of faith here and trust you.
Yellow: Thanks. I know that's not easy for you to do.
Dragon Lady: Well, it's tough when I live so far away.
Yellow: It's true; we're having completely different day-to-day experiences
Luckily, it's not a permanent thing.
Dragon Lady: I guess I'm just jealous of you. All the ladies want you. And here I am, halfway across the world, not being able to do anything about it. It's not like you even wear a ring to ward girls off. (speaking of, Laser Jock wants to know if you're sending me a ring.)
Yellow: I don't know if I could stand being away from you forever.
(haha... I probably should.)
Dragon Lady: And then some amazing girl like Lavish walks in, and you cuddle with her. How can I not be jealous?
Yellow: Well, just to make things clear, it wasn't really a romantic cuddle. More like a comfort hug while sitting.
Almost something I'd give to a sister.
Dragon Lady: hmmm....
well, I know that you two are good friends
Yellow: It's true. She was the first Board Writer I ever talked to
Dragon Lady: that does have a strong link
I can't deny that I still give sisterly hugs to the first Board writer I ever talked to
(though... for the record, not since we got engaged)
Yellow: (also for the record, you haven't really had the opportunity to do so since then)
Dragon Lady: (good point. I haven't hugged any boys here either. Nor taken any fake engagement photos )
Hmmm... I should be careful to stay away from those. Or I could get myself into big trouble now
they're all the rage
Yellow: That's what I hear.
And taking a fake engagement photo with the Holy Land as a backdrop would be pretty spectacular.
Dragon Lady: ooohhh... I've got some great shots of the Sea of Galilee and the Mediterranean Sea. We could photoshop ourselves in for our invites!
Yellow: Haha!
That would be awesome!
Dragon Lady: Granted, we'd either have to wait a month to do it, or we'd have to photoshop you into a picture with me
Yellow: I'd be worried about photoshopping myself into an engagement picture; they look awkward so many times even when they really are natural.
Dragon Lady: Haha
Alright
we'll wait a month
Yellow: Who knows what could happen.
Dragon Lady: Oh, Yellow. You make me laugh. How could I stay mad at you for long?
Yellow: :)
I had a friend in high school who hated that she couldn't stay mad at me.
It drove her crazy.
Dragon Lady: I can see why
Anyway, now that we've resolved this... I should go to bed. I'm just glad you got on so I didn't have to go to bed mad
Yellow: Me too. I wouldn't want you doing that.
Know what, Dragon Lady? You're fun.
:)
Dragon Lady: :D I sure hope so. You wouldn't work well with a boring person
Yellow: I certainly wouldn't
Dragon Lady: alright. Well, my love, it's time for bed
I shall talk to you another day
Yellow: See you later, honey.
sleep well
Dragon Lady: have a splendid day yourself
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