Too much to ask?

Chillylint often tells me, "I can do hard things!" I have decided to adopt that motto as my own. I'm not sure if it's because I've adopted that motto that God has decided to test it out, or if I decided to adopt the motto because I was being asked to do hard things. Either way, I've been asked to do several hard things in the past week or so. Some I have succeeded. Others I have failed miserably. I just keep telling myself that I can do hard things. Maybe someday I'll believe it. Then maybe someday I'll succeed.

God asked me to do something very hard last week. The first time He indicated that I would have to do it, it took me completely off guard. I quite forcefully told Him that He was wrong and that I didn't want to do it--it didn't need to be done. May I suggest never telling God that He's wrong? However, like Martin Harris, He let me do what I wanted. Thankfully my situation wasn't as traumatic as Martin Harris'. I went on believing that what I wanted was going to happen, and what God wanted me to do would not be necessary. Days later, the situation changed. I was still convinced that what I wanted was right. But as I prayed that night, God very gently reminded me of what I needed to do. I still didn't want to do it, but now I saw the wisdom behind it. Instead of having to follow God's direction blindly, I now saw why. Perhaps I should work on that. God can see further than I can. I should have trusted Him the first time. Luckily, God gives second chances. It took me three days, but I finally did it. Because I can do hard things. As much as I hated what I was doing, I felt at peace--I knew it was right.

You'd think that very hard thing would be enough, wouldn't you? That's enough hardness to last me months. Yet, it continues. There are ups; there are downs; there is clarity; there is confusion.

I just want to see the end right now. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to know what I should do now. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to know why I had to do this hard thing--I have my speculations, but mainly, they just cater to what I want, which thus far hasn't necessarily been what God wants--would it really change now? Is that too much to ask?
I just want to stop doing stupid things. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to make everything all better--for all parties involved. Is that too much to ask?
I just want a magic wand. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to be perfect. Is that too much to ask?

In the words of a good friend of mine, If you don't really know what I'm talking about, then you really don't know. Please don't speculate. Please don't ask.