Lie Exemption Policy

I do not lie. This seems to have become my motto. However, no one seems to believe me. Probably due to the fact that I tend to get away with deception and say/do things considered to be lies. I find myself defending myself so much, that I thought I would just create a lie-exemption policy and post it here. (My third post... how sad...) I will add to this if needed. So here we go:

I, Dragon Lady of Japan, hereby state that I do not lie, with the definition of a lie being: a statement consisting of words that, strung together, are untrue. Context, tone of voice, sarcasm, etc. are not taken into account when determining if a statement is a lie—only the actual words.

Exception 1: In order to protect my identity or anything else I hold dear, I have the right to say things that in and of themselves are true, but in context or combined with tone of voice, would be construed as untrue. For example:
Roommate: [insert real name here], I think you are the Dragon Lady of Japan
Me: sarcastically: Yes, it's true. I am the Dragon Lady of Japan. *rolls eyes
As we can see, every word I said was truth. It is true. I am the Dragon Lady of Japan. However, due to my tone of voice and rolling of my eyes, it was interpreted as a denial.

Exception 2: When I am in state of semi-consciousness, I have the right to speak flat out untruth, mostly because I have no control over it. Example:
Setting: My bedroom, 3 am, I have been asleep for 4 hours. Phone rings; I answer.
Caller: Hey, did I wake you up?
Me: groggily. Nono. I've been in and out of sleep for awhile now. What can I do for you?
For unknown reasons, my sub-conscious self will not allow me to admit to others that I have been asleep. Even if I have good reason to be so, i.e. it's 3 am and you call me. (Honestly, why would you ever call someone at 3 am unless it's a dire emergency?! (Yes, Sparrow, your 3 am phone call asking me to come get you at the ER counts as a dire emergency. You are safe.))

Exception 3: When a little white-lie is needed for the better good of the other parties, especially in a case when I must respond instantaneously and don't have time to create something that fits in Exception 1. Example:
Setting: 4 hours into a 9 hour drive, 8 pm. Only other passenger is sleeping in order to be refreshed for driving later and needs to stay that way as long as possible. I am slightly tired, however, am awake enough to safely drive for the next half hour until we stop for gas and trade drivers.
Passenger: awake long enough to say: "Hey, how are you doing?"
Me: "I'm doing great."
Honestly, if I said I wasn't doing great, he would have freaked out and stayed awake, though, doing me no good, and not getting the sleep he needed. Besides, I'm not stupid. Had I needed him to take over, I wouldn't have lied. In fact, I would have woke him up in order to take over.

Exception 4: When I don't realize I am stating a blatant untruth due to lack of knowledge. Example:
Setting: Friday afternoon at work.
Coworker 1: No, I don't have a date with this guy I like this weekend. He never called me.
Setting: Monday morning at work.
Coworker 2: So, did Coworker 1 get a date with the guy she likes this weekend?
Me: No, he never called her.
Enter Coworker 1
Coworker 1: Guess what?! Guy I like called me and we had a date this weekend!
So, technically, I lied by saying that Guy she liked never called her, when, in fact, he did. I was just unaware of it.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sure others will be called to my attention, however, and I will post addendums.