Do I do this to myself? I consider myself to be a very tolerant person. I am friends with people that many other people don't like. I get faulted quite often for choosing friends that annoy my other friends. I have had roommates invite my friends to leave our apartment. Not all of my friends are like this. I have other very tolerant friends. I have friends that are very well liked. Really, I just have friends across the board. My old roommate, Snips, particularly disliked several of my friends and was very vocal about it. One day, annoyed, I decided to talk to her about it. It was a long conversation, but the basic idea was me expressing frustration at the way she treats my friends and her expressing frustration at the way my friends treat me.
Over the years I have often thought about that. I've wondered, do I let people walk all over me and treat me like dirt? I've come to grips with the fact that I let people walk all over me. I've started working on that. Well, on stopping that from happening anyway. This past year I have started growing a spine, I have started forming my own opinions, and I have started sharing them with others. I'm not perfect, and I still bow to the opinions of others at times, but I pick and choose my battles now. And I'm a lot happier knowing that I have the capability to stand up for myself. I find myself relatively free of friends that bring me down.
I thought I did all of this on my own. Turns out I only did part of it on my own. It wasn't that growing a spine suddenly changed the way people treated me. Rather, those friends moved on with life, and I gained new friends that got to know me with a spine, and hence, didn't know they could walk all over me. Or even, I started looking for friends that treated me with respect. I can't see my current friends walking over me, even if they knew they could. Anyway, point is, yesterday I became reacquainted with an old friend of mine. One that Snips seriously despised. Yesterday we had a great time catching up. Today I got slammed with the memory of how things used to be. Today I found myself in conversations I didn't want to be in. Today I was sapped of all energy as I tried over and over again to change topics to something that wouldn't turn into an argument. (Partly due to my slap in the face yesterday, I'm sure.) There was a marked difference in my happiness level as conversation and day progressed. I even resorted to changing my status to "Cheer, anyone?" in a plea to be happy again. Laser Jock replied promptly with "Hurrah for Israel!" which made me laugh out loud. Yellow came to the rescue soon after with this website which cheered me greatly. I suddenly saw the difference in the friends I have now as compared to even a year or two ago. My friends now build me up whereas my old friends tore me down. But the question now lies, do I ditch this old friend that I have been friends with for years and years? Or do I continue to let myself be subject to this emotional drain? Is there an in between?
Where is the line between befriending everyone and befriending those that fit well with me and where I am now?
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