Doctors = mean

I keep getting asked for updates, so here y'all go.

I went to the doctor bright and early at 7:30 this morning. After filling out mountains of paperwork, I was ushered back to a room where I put all my stuff down and got comfortable. As soon as I did that, they made me get up to go in and get X-rays. Very well. However, may I just say that with my tailbone war injury and a knee that doesn't like to turn, I'm not a fan of hard tables that I have to lay on and move in various positions, then hold them for long periods of time.

Back to the room where I waited for them to develop the X-rays. The X-rays came... the doctor didn't. I gave up on sitting on the edge of the table with my legs dangling and decided to take advantage of the pillow and comfy table and laid down. (And may I just mention that I hate lay/lie. Meh.) And waited. And waited. The door was mostly open and I was across the hall from the reception desk, so I could listen to their conversations. One lady always has the same username/password. She just uses the name of one of her three daughters and changes the i or L to a 1. She's pretty spiffy, huh? Also, she discovered that she could still log in to some old website that she probably shouldn't still have access to, but it will be very helpful. The other receptionist got married the end of June and got hired to this job July 2nd. None of her family lives around here, but all of her husband's do. It's weird, but she's getting used to it. Another receptionist came to work and was immediately greeted with another girl running out and giving her a birthday present. There were actually two gifts in there, because the girl forgot her birthday last year.

I was so bored.

Finally the doctor came in, stuck the X-rays up on the viewer thing on the wall and never looked at them again. He came over, asked me all the appropriate questions about what I did to my knee. I told him hi from Brother Sr. who is his neighbor. Found out that Brother Sr. saved Dr. Larsen's life on a 24-hour bike ride in Moab. Who knew? I have cool brothers. :) He then started poking around on my leg, but soon realized that this wasn't gonna happen in a skirt. So he pulled out this massively huge pair of medical shorts and told me to put them on. When I say these shorts were huge, I really mean it. Like, I pulled them on, and they fell off. I pulled them up again, and they fell off again. So I tucked my undershirt underneath them (in case they fell off again with someone in there) and pulled my sweater over the top of them. Luckily, it's tight enough that it held them up. Though, when I hopped back up on the table, I had to pull them up again.

Dr. Larsen came back in and started pushing and pulling and doing all sorts of really mean things to my knee. There was wincing. I decided that doctors are mean. They try to hurt you. They do it on purpose! Jerkfaces...

Finally, he pulled down the idol gods of bones and muscles they keep up on the shelves and started pointing out all the ligaments and such and what was hurt on me. He agreed with Yellow's neighbor that the MCL was strained, but not torn. "If it was torn, I could push your knee like this." (Apparently these idol gods are the gods of torture.) But there was another diagnosis on top of Yellow's neighbor's... a possible torn meniscus. Even better, that won't heal on its own. Ever. It'll just hurt and bother me for the rest of my life. Joy.

"Well, you have two options. One, you can get an MRI today and find out what's going on. Or two, you can wait a month. In one month, the MCL will have healed. So, if it still hurts, you probably have a torn meniscus and we can do an MRI then."
"Well, if I have an MRI and find out that I do have a torn meniscus, I thought you said there was nothing we could do to fix it."
"Well, we can scope it." He then proceded to tell me about the joys of a knee scope. All I really remember was small holes and pumping water into my knee. Gross. There's a reason I didn't go into Nursing. "So, which do you want to do? Get an MRI or wait a month?"
"Well, let's pretend I'm going out of the country in April."
"Let's schedule you for an MRI today. In fact, let's just head out to the receptionist desk right now and get that scheduled."
"Umm... can I change back into my skirt first?"

He looked a bit startled. I think he forgot I was in shorts that would fall off the second I jumped off the table. But he chuckled and agreed. Then even told me that I could keep the shorts ... because I was Brother Sr.'s sister. Heh. I have a souvenier!

MRI scheduled for 12:30. I called Mom as I headed back to work to tell her about the doctor's appointment. On my way I detoured to McDonalds and got a Bacon, Egg and Cheese McGriddle. Mmm... Mom told me about a time when she put the divine goodness that is buttermilk syrup in some pancake batter and made waffles and used them to make an egg sandwich. I think I will follow in her footsteps. She is a wise woman, afterall.

Got to work and struggled with gaining motivation to work for three hours until it was out to Provo to get an MRI. I spent about 2 minutes in the waiting room. That included check-in time when I had to tell them that I was not paying for this out-of-pocket, but had insurance (their paperwork was wrong) and opening up a magazine to take a quiz that said because I get sleepy when I read, I may have a sleep disorder. Then they came and got me. Wow! This might actually be a fast appointment! They had me change into bright pink scrubs and green socks, lock my stuff up in a cupboard, then told me they'd come back and get me in about 20 minutes. So much for a fast appointment.

The same magazine was in there, so read up about sleep, diabetes, cancer and herpes. I also learned that black and green tea can build bone density (pshha, I say) and that the massive amounts of mercury in seafood that is bad for pregnant women may be outweighed by the nutritional goodness that is in seafood. (You may die of mercury poisoning, but at least you'll be healthy while you do! Pssha again!) There were also some interesting articles that I thought had some validity, but they weren't nearly as much fun, nor could I guffaw at them. Thus, I don't remember them.

Finally they came and got me and took me to this room with a big machine that I've only ever seen on TV shows, like House... the legendary MRI machine. I had to go in that thing? They gave me ear plugs because the machine could be loud. Then they positioned me on this table-like thing (that thankfully was cushioned) and got my leg all locked up in this tube-esque contraption. They warned me that if I moved at all in the next half hour, it would all be for naught and I'd have to do it all again. So... don't move. No moving... check. [sigh] He started to put me inside the gigantic hole, then asked if I was cold and wanted a blanket. I wasn't actually cold, but knowing my track record, I asked for the blanket. They must keep it in an oven or something because it was warm. Felt so nice. I should put a blanket in the drier before cuddling up in it more often.

He then moved me inside the monstorous machine, then gave me headphones to put on. He didn't explain what the headphones were for, so I assumed they were either so he could talk to me during the procedure ("Would you stop moving already?!") or maybe they'd play some music for me. But the machine started making funny noises that sounded like someone tapping in a nail with a hammer... and nothing came through the headphones. I concluded that they were simply to help keep out noise. I tried really hard to keep the bottom half of me still. I remember half falling asleep once and twitching (I do that when I fall asleep) and then waking up swiftly and focusing on not moving. I had my arms crossed and they started falling asleep, but even though they told me I could scratch my nose if I wanted, I didn't want to risk it and let them fall asleep. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, music came through my headphones! What in the world?! It scared me and I probably jumped and ruined the whole thing. I was so shocked by the whole thing that it took me a good 30 seconds to realize the irony of the song they chose to play. Any guesses? Dare You to Move. Hahaha! I was highly entertained.

Finally, it was over. And now I'm back at work, still struggling with gaining motivation and waiting for the doctor to call with the results. He hoped to call in the next day or two.

Everyone, we're praying that my meniscus is happy, healthy and whole.