Warning... Harry Potter 7 spoilers

I just saw this on J.K. Rowling's website and it made me very, very happy.  So I thought I would share with the rest of you... in case you don't make it to her site (or simply don't care enough to go look for yourself) before the magical door closes.

Contradictions

Is it weird that the Sunbelt Granola cereal I got for Christmas is too sweet for breakfast, but I was perfectly ok with making hot chocolate?

Adventure, part 2

[enter big boss man]
"We're just gonna take a look at this."
...
"Your pipes are very ... problematic. But it's just about fixed. I'll let this other guy finish... he was only about 30 seconds away from finishing last time... he just didn't know it."


I thought that would be the end of this post, because surely it was all fixed and over with. Well, it was fixed... but over with? Right... we still had to deal with payment. Let's just say there was drama between the big boss man, my landlady, and the poor, innocent worker who was under orders not to leave until he got paid and the landlady who refused to pay because it should go through the insurance. [rolls eyes] ... the poor guy.

I think it's all over now. Either way, I now have a bathroom sink again. Merry Christmas to me.

Adventure, part 1

So you have a clogged drain?"
"Well, yes. Which led to a broken pipe."
"A broken pipe?" [eyes wide]
[laughs] "Yes. Well, you see, we decided to take off the nut to unclog it. And twisted the pipe in half."
[bigger eyes] "Oh, is it still clogged?"
"I would assume so. You see, what happened was the beginning of a very bad day once started with me dropping my toothpaste lid down the drain. I would assume it's still down there."
"Umm... ok. Well, I'll go get my tools."
[exit, re-entrance, make lots of noise in bathroom]
"Your pipes are all rusted. I grabbed the P-trap and it just crumbled. hehehe."
[exit house, re-entrance, make lots of noise in the bathroom]
"Did you know that you have quite the drainage problem with your pipes?"
"What do you mean?"
"Where the pipe goes into the wall, it's backed up quite a bit. I'm going to go get a machine and blow all that out. Also, have you noticed when you fill it up, it leaks on the right side?"
"Ummm... nope. I haven't noticed that."
"Yeah, I'm trying to figure out where the leak is coming from. So I'll work on that, too."
[exit, re-entrance, make lots of noise in bathroom]
"Have you ever put Draino down this drain?"
"Ummm... maybe? I know we did down the tub. Perhaps we put it down the sink for good measure. Also, I know we did down the kitchen sink, too, just on the other side of the wall, if that makes a difference."
"Hmmm... well, when you put Draino down the pipes, if you don't wash it out with water it will actually harden into a really hard lump. Almost like cement."
"Oh. Wow. Um... what can we do about that?"
"Oh, just a bit of time. You can call us back."
"Well, how long?"
"Well, it'll take about a week to dissolve."
"We haven't used that sink at all for 6 weeks."
"You put the Draino in 6 weeks ago?"
"No. The sink broke 6 weeks ago. We hadn't put Draino in for months and months before that, if at all."
"Really. Oh. Ummm."
"Are you sure it's Draino buildup?"
"No. But it's something really hard. It's like you have a rock in there. I've tried to snake it, I've been trying to eat away at it with the blades. Nothing. I thought perhaps something was just stuck, so I put a screwdriver in and started pounding it in. Nothing. Hmmm... Do you have a flashlight?"
"Sure!"
[give plumber flashlight]
"Wow! Do you want to see this?"
"Sure!"
[get flashlight back]
"Ok, look straight into the pipe coming out of the wall."
"Oh wow... wow... You think that's Draino buildup then?"
"I'm not sure what else it could be."
"That's quite the buildup. It does look remarkably like cement. Perhaps someone pranked us." [wry smile]
[long discussion saying about the same thing in more detail]
"So, is there any hope?"
"Of course there's hope. There's always hope!"
[answer cell phone and go outside]
[come back inside]
"Can we come back tomorrow to work on this? We're probably going to have to cut a hole in the wall and pull the pipe out and try to fix it that way."
"Tomorrow it is then."

Adventure to be continued...

Alphabet Soup

DL: I'm not sure I can do this. I want to give up.
God: I know. Patience, little one.
DL: But what if I can't have patience any more? I'm tired.
God: Shhh... you'll make it. Everything will work out. I promise. Just a little longer. You can hold on. You have more strength than you know.
DL: But what if it's hard?
God: I'll be there to hold you.
DL: What if I cry?
God: [smiles] Then you'll know you care. And I'll wipe your tears.
DL: Will it be worth it?
God: I wouldn't ask it of you if it wouldn't be.
DL: Will I be happy?
God: Men are that they might have joy. I want you to be happy. I will always open the way.
DL: Do you promise?
God: I promise.
DL: ... ok... I'll be patient.
God: I love you, Dragon Lady. This will all work out. I promise.
DL: [smiles] I know.

humorous terror

I was reading Katria's blog the other day about not being updated on the tetanus vaccine. I was commenting out loud (as well as in print on her blog) on how I am also not updated on the vaccine. Last I got it, back in 1997 I think, I broke out in bumps all over my back, chest, neck and face. To my recollection, they didn't itch or anything; they were more of an annoyance than anything. But still, that many tiny bumps are rather disconcerting. We had differing opinions as to what happened. One doctor told me I was allergic to the vaccine. Another nurse told me that it was impossible to be allergic to the tetanus vaccine. (I think that woman is ridiculous... you can be allergic to anything!) Due to the debate, I have gone the rest of my life saying that I'm possibly allergic to the tetanus vaccine. No one has any idea what'll happen if I get the vaccine again. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps I'll die. Who knows? Instead, I don't get the vaccine. It's easier that way. But, when I went to Jerusalem, I carried antihistamines with me... just in case I stepped on a rusty nail and needed to get a tetanus shot.

Anyway, I was talking about this to Desdemona and Laser Jock. I think it was Laser Jock that said something about me getting lockjaw because of it. Oh my goodness! The thought is sooo sad!!! We all already know how I feel about that! What would I do!? Why is it that my one allergy could cause me to not speak? How ironic is this? And how incredibly funny, if you really stop to think about it. Despite the terror.

Ask and ye shall receive

Note: The following is a direct copy/paste from the Facebook group, "There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period." These were not created by me, nor directly reflect everything I think or believe. (Grammar, "getting a girl into bed," etc. are perfect examples.) Perhaps someday I'll use this as a base to write my own list. However, I think the overall idea is brilliant and all guys should take note.

0. There are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don't provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they're simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.

1. Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. the classic example that's stood the test of time.

2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him. (This seems odd to some people, yet normal for others. If you don't get it, don't worry about it, okay?)

3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick, musical, opera, or ballet - whatever her preference is - *without* complaining about it! (Because the guy may just like it.)

4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited, to:
"You & Me" by Lifehouse
Anything by Frank Sinatra
Any rendition of "Everything I Do, I Do it for You"
"Collide" by Howie Day
"Out Of My League" by Steven Speaks
And MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's (if you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).
("Putty in your hands" is not meant to promote "using women" in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)

5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

6. Find out what her favorite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else. (I encourage the women to not allow a guy to "prove himself worthy" through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart.)

7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

8. Re-enact Zales commercials (the ice is nice but certainly not mandatory).

9. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

10. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

11. Ask her questions about herself.

12. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/e

tc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.

13. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)

14. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not "for her", but for the good of yourself and others.)

15. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that. Haha, thanks, Jade!

16. Kiss her on the forehead.

17. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.

18. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). If you really do throw her in, you'd better jump in yourself. **NOTE** There are some women who just hate this apparently, so you had better do two things: 1) Never allow your buddies be a part of it if you're unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) You had better know how she feels about it!

19. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).

20. LOOK IN HER EYES, NOT AT HER CHEST!!!!!

21. Stupid jokes = awkwardly adorable moments.

22. Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back without getting all bent out of shape about it.

23. Don't call her hot, or pretty, or cute; call her beautiful, because that's what she is. (I don't think cute is that bad, but definitely stay away from "hot" [it's so overused and superficial] and step "pretty" up to beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or captivating or...)

24. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

25. Don't be too proud to apologize.

26. It's not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.

27. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

28. If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow and never rush her.

29. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are completely incapable of calling when you say you will, it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, "Why didn't you call?", & being male is not one of them.

30. Don't check out other girls in front of your female friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reasons than you "want to get some".

31. Guys - always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. [if she is willing to pay now and again, don't let your "man pride" get in the way of her wanting to give back to you. she should understand money can be tight - especially when you're always buying]

32. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]

33. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic. (So everyone has a different opinion for how this started. For some, it's because of the human waste that was getting thrown out the windows when this was happening a century ago. The woman walked under the overhangings extending from the buildings with the guy in the open to take the mess if need be. Others say it's from the guy's scabbard/sword being on his left with the woman walking on the right. As for today, it's the traffic and puddles and what-not. Whatever it is. It's just a courtesy thing, if it seems necessary.)

34. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone else's to hear it!

35. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is, you're going to lose her.

36. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you're trying to help. Haha thanks to a LOT of people on this revision.**

37. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer with maybe one question of confirmation after her first answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way after that. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

38. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her, she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

39. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how bored or busy the man is. Actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain (and bring the man and woman closer together). This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.

Nephi said it much better than I could

And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness.

To guys everywhere

I saw this group on facebook today. All I can say is Amen!

If there are people who read this blog that don't have facebook, let me know and I'll just post the list!

Geri

I saw this man in the cafeteria of the COB today. I wanted to stop him and beg for his picture so I could show this picture and the real picture side by side to prove it to you, but a) I'm a chicken and b) I didn't have my camera. Turns out, I also can't get the picture to upload on here. So you get to enjoy the link instead.

I will forever have the memory to bring a smile to my face.