So, your motivations in life come from your fears, rather than your love. You try to avoid the stick, but you aren't so interested in the carrot?My dear Anonymous, please let me clarify a bit. I am not athletic. I may be skinny and appear to be fit, but I am not. I ran the mile in high school in 12:34. I've been told people have walked the mile faster than that. Climbing a few flights of stairs will wind me. I am not a stranger to the stitch in the side. Also, although I have three brothers, they were all gone by the time I hit 8th grade. I am the youngest by almost 5 years. I grew up as the spoiled little girl and was never introduced to playing sports. Through Young Womens I would play ward basketball, volleyball and softball, but only because half of the girls were as non-athletic as I was, and were also my best friends. I still felt foolish doing poorly in front of all those people, but at least it was a group I had been playing sports foolishly with for years. Also, I was from a small town; I was expected to play in these sports. I would have drawn more attention to myself if I didn't play. Also, let's not forget the boy in my ward that I had a crush on who was always at the ward games. Anyway, I'm getting side tracked. The point is, I am not very talented at anything that requires physical exertion, especially if I have to do it in front of other people. Believe it or not, folks, I'm shy.
Please note the types of activities I listed in that post:
dancingEvery single one except the last one deal with some sort of physical activity that I have never done, and thus feel uncomfortable learning how to do in front of others. The last isn't so much physical, but still requires using a poorly-developed talent in front of others.
rock climbing
snowmobiling
wakeboarding
working out in public
singing in front of others
This does not mean that I'm not motivated by love. What part of wakeboarding says love? Nothing! It says using muscles that I have not developed to do something that people claim to be easy, only to not be able to do it and look foolish in front of everyone.
Dragon Lady: "So, I went rock climbing last night. It's actually my third time. I'm getting decent at it."
Brother Jr.: "Who's the boy?"
I had to laugh, because he was right. The only reason I ever went rock climbing was because Olive Wood, the guy I was dating, had been wanting me to do it for months and he finally convinced me to go with him. I went because I cared about him, and it was something that he really enjoyed doing. Yes, you could argue that love was my motivation.
Also, what about all of the other things I do because I love doing them? I've planted a garden for the third year in a row. I have at least 12 plants at home that I care for and one at work that I claim as my own. I love plants and watching them grow. This year I even started half of my garden from seeds in Spare 'Oom. What about playing Mario 3? Even going so far as to convince my aunt to let me borrow the "Strategy Guide" (aka Cheat Book) so that I could learn all of the tricks. What about the two full bookcases in my room? What about all of the wedding videos I have made for family and friends? What about writing for the Board? What about all of the traveling I have done? What about swimming in the Dead Sea? What about plucking out hymns because it relieves my stress, even if I'm not good at it? How can you say that I'm motivated by fear and not love? Oh sure, there are many things I don't do because of fear... I've become quite content to be the wallflower and spectator... but there are many things I do that I love, and even some I do despite my fears. (Also, who says that being a spectator is bad? I actually enjoy watching Guitar Hero, thank you very much. Also, I believe basketball is quite fun to watch and horrid to play. If you want me to be happy, let me watch and don't make me play.)
Now, I've never heard the stick and carrot phrase... perhaps I'm out of the loop. I did grow up in a bubble, after all. But I think I've gathered what you meant. In fact, here is a definition from Yellow, in case anyone else in my readership didn't quite understand:
Stick = punishment, Carrot = rewardThis may be true to an extent (I definitely did my fair share of homework in order to not fail instead of out of a desire to learn), but I wouldn't say that's how I live my life. To be honest, I don't think the results of dancing can be considered a carrot. It's more like celery. It could make me lose weight, but tastes icky.
You do something out of desire to avoid punishment, rather than out of desire for the intended outcome
you do your homework in order to avoid failing, instead of to learn
Is it such a bad thing that I don't like doing things that make me feel foolish? Is it such a bad thing that I thrive in the things I am comfortable with and love? That I expand my bubble a little at a time, doing things because someone I care about wants me to do them, or because I develop a desire to learn myself? Am I a horrible person because I am not athletic? Must every person in the world love doing athletic things? Can't I stick with the things that keep me active that I enjoy? Yes, there are some. I have recently taken to rock climbing. I rather enjoy hiking if the people I'm with don't mind if I go slow. I love walks. I'll climb a flight of stairs at work instead of taking the elevator. Please forgive me if I don't find pleasure in the things that the masses find pleasure in.
For the record, I went snowmobiling. I enjoyed it. I would even go again. Even though I destroyed my knee in so doing. And yes, it still hurts. Not nearly as badly as it used to. I can even sit with my leg curled up under me now. Progress! And guess what? I would still go snowmobiling again. Because it was fun. I just won't do any more jumps. See? I'll expand my bubble, just let me do it at my own rate.
So call me a stick in the mud if you will. Believe that I'm a party pooper. I don't care. The people who know me best accept and love me for who I am, and really, what else matters?
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